well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize