I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize