We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
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he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
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You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
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