just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize