Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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