called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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