she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize