Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
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...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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