sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize