Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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