she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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