You just made me feel so damn special
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
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I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
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I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
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