Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Randomize