Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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