yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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