youre lurking in front of me
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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