Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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