Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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