Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
pop tarts are not kleenex
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize