Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize