Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
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I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
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The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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