My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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