I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
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I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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