6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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