I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize