my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize