I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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