Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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