Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
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Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
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With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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