Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize