he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
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Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
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When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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