After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
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Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
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I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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