K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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