i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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