My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize