so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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