Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize