Dual....:-)
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
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when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
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We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
You can't just leave with hair like that
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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