So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
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I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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