Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
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