I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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