I am puke
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize