If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
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He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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