fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Is Oprah even human
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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