He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
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Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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