are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
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People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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