We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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