why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
you inspire me to be a worse person
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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