2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
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I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
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ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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