It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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