Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
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It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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