Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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