Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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